Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
