feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
