You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
