worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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