You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize