Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize