Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
