I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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