I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
