i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
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