i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
