I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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