Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
