I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
