Jerry, you need to find god
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
