guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
