its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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