batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
