haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
