did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
