I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
