her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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