When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
