the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize