I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
