in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
