I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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