I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize