New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
