Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
