Screwed.edu
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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