my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
