you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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