you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
