hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
