No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize