They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize