Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
