im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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