how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Come see our sink grown plant.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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