i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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