its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
