a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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