at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
