Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
