The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize