According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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