Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize