I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
