chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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