WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
