Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
