Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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