i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I pour the whiskey from now on
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
