I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
