quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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