Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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