Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
