I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
