What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
