Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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