I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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