Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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