OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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