69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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