He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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