Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I didn't notice because vodka
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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