he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
