If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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