yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
