Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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