last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
